I want to text you but I'm afraid when it comes to the part of "How are you?" I wouldn't be able to answer that question.

How will I say that I'm upset and stressed out? That a family member just died. How? I don't want to put you in a awkward position.

So here I am, contemplating whether to text you or not. To open up to you, another guy.

I just don't know, my brain says.
But my heart says go for it. Be brave.

I'm just torn.

Most romantic language, I'd say

In French, you don't really say "I miss you."
You say "Tu me manques." Which is clear for "You are missing from me."

I love that. "You are missing from me."
You are a part of me, you are essential to me being.
You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you.

Just normal girly thoughts...

Boys have come and gone away from my life. It's seems as if I can only attract them for a while then,BOOM, its over.

Maybe its me. Maybe God doesn't think its time for me to find or meet the perfect one.

Anyone know about the apple analogy? Well maybe God is waiting for me to fully develop. To blossom into something wonderful, not that I'm not wonderful in his eyes already, but to become into something that can be cherished forever. To be that one of a kind fruit that someone, with the right taste, will eventually see and discover. To be something precious. To be loved as me.

I've been asking people how they met their spouses. And I found out that the happier ones were married to their bestfriends while the ones that were just "let's get married, it seems perfect that we do so" are the ones that have dysfunctional relationships.

Well... Bye guys gotta go get a bestfriend now!

You can never forget about your first..

They're always be there lingering behind your mind.

They're always be a piece of you no matter how long its been.

They'll always be haunting you in your dream.

She felt nothing but sorrow
Nothing good was to come from tomorrow
Everyone has deserted her
Acting as if she was no better than dirt
It wasn't her-- it was their choice
In this situation, she had no voice
People leaving
People fleeing

She thought she had no one
But someone new has come
He didnt judge her
He was better than some sir
She was treasured in his heart
He didn't treat her like crap

Now she's thinking of ways
To spend their days
Whether be in parks, cars, or watching stars
For all she cares, they go to mars

She has found the one
He has finally come

She trusted him
They talked about all their dreams
For once they were free
The days they spent were full of glee
Dancing, singing, and laughing
She was soo inlove
She put him above all else
No one saw what happened next
It all ended with a bet
He gambled
And with that everything else crumbled
Her days were filled with tear stained eyes
Nothing was heard, even her cries
Until one day she stopped
Never cared so everything dropped
People see her as tough
Never knowing she had enough
Of all the shit
That the guys fret

All she now sees are red and black
Cringing about everything she got
Soo full of anger and disdain
But no one knows she's in pain

Love comes and goes
Your pretense is just for show
No one really knows
What is in that bitter heart of yours

But one day will come
Where your shield will crumble some
Showing that that bitter heart is gone
And your heart has shone

That person who will be
The one to receive thee will be no one other than me

So please babe
Save all your days
To your one and only flam

I want the real thing

Funny how during the summer everyone is all excited to find that someone that they could talk about during fall.

When fall comes everyone fantasizes about sitting near a fireplace with a cozy blanket and that special someone to snuggled with.

Then there's spring. Where people start waking up in the illusion they've been on throughout the year. When they just remembers to have fun and devil may care what happens.

Spring is where we start a new. Spring is where I want to be.

It was all just a tragedy
Everyone's eyes were filled with sympathy
Where ever I'd go, I lose a bit of our fantasy
I thought you were the one; my destiny

But I was played by faith
Even with our first date
And when you got me a cake
I didn't know what we had was just a mistake

And now all I see are all the tears that fall
Making me want to crawl
My one and only goal
Has come to a stall

But my day will come.
Where everything else will come undone

His eyes

They are as blue as the sky
Without it, I know I'd die
It would point down when you're shy
And sparkle as if you'd never cried

It shows wonder and joy
Sometimes it may seem coy
But I know that you're the only boy
That I would never play with as a toy

You're soo full of life
As gracious as a swimmer's dive
With a personality full of vibe

I know I'll never amount to you
That's why I'll stick to looking at those wonderful eyes of blue

"Once burned, twice shy."

-Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

DID IT!

I blocked you. Now what am i supposed to do?

Brain: GET OVER HIM! DO YOUR HOMEWORK NOW, YOUNG LADY!

Heart: Time. Let me heal first.

Ears: I miss his voice. Call him.

Brain: You're gonna miss your stright A grades if you DONT START YOUR HOMEWORK RIGHT THIS INSTANT.

Eyes: Go look at his pictures on facebook, you know you want to.

Brain: You wont see your straight A grades anymore if all you want to see is him.

Logic: Live your life and show him who is better.

Brain: S.T.U.D.Y.

Me: shutting down.. I need a nap guys..

To the guy who made my life better. Thanks for being there for me

You and me could write a bad romance. But we're never ever getting back together because not you're just somebody I used to know.So blow me one last kiss while everybody talks. Let's go to the dark side and do some gangnam style because we're just too close.

Say something because there's only one more night so let's live while we're young.

I'm sexy and I know it. Pound the alarm. OH, look. There's a grenade heading over here so as long as you love me, you belong with me.

We're all going to die and I just wanted to say I love you.

Vent session #1

I cant stand this... me knowing that you don't love me anymore. I have these vent sessions with people where I just talk about you and what you've done. You really did hurt me, Ryan. I know you're not worth it to write this letter to but I need to vent right now.

I hated how you don't or can't use proper grammar with me. You totally sucked at it. But I still love you and sticked with you even though I'm a stickler to grammar and spelling and all that english stuff.

I hated how, as I said, you don't use proper grammar but it seems as if you do so with other girls. That's like a punch in the face that you bothered to care what they thought of you but you didn't care if you used the proper grammar with me or not.

I hated how we didn't have anything to talk about really, tbh (your favorite thing to like on fb, but I'll get to that later on..) we didn't really have anything in common, but I still loved you no matter what.

I hated how it seems like you've like EVERY girl's tbh status. ON you page there's 216 girls who've posted tbh stuff. AND YOU LIKE ALL OF IT. But I overlooked that. I was soo inlove.

I hated how that now I realize that you did this to the other girls you've been with. You're such a jerk. HOW COULD I NOT HAVE SEEN THAT?! I was just soo blind. You gained my trust, said you'll never break it, that you'll guard it with your life. That you'd rather die than hurt me. Dear God, how could I have not seen WHAT A PLAYER YOU WERE. Those sweet nothings that you've promised to me were just... empty words full of candy coated words. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I hated how you are still on my mind right now especially when I'm supposed to be writing an essay for my class later on.

You're ruining my life. Our break up is ruining my life. Last night at work I kept thinking about you and it made me sadder. There would be times where I would tear up and I'd stop myself from doing so. It really sucks. My coworkers definitely knew something was wrong with how I was acting. I was trying too hard to keep that façade of happiness and joy that I've been when I was with you.

Break ups

To be honest, this is my first relationship with anyone. And it sucked. Our conversations lacked that happy go lucky attitude. It just didn't feel right. But I still sticked with him no matter what all because of a promise. A promise that I won't ever do what all the other people in his life did to him; I wouldn't leave him, I'd text him everyday. A promise that changed my life.A promise that is ruining my life. I somehow got addicted to you when we were together. Your early morning 'good morning beautiful'texts.Your childish demeanor. Your horrible grammar. I fell inlove with you. And you broke my heart. I don't know what I did wrong, but you're killing me now. I cant believe you would just leave me like that. No "goodbye". NADA.
I blocked you this afternoon and unfriended you on facebook because I can't stand seeing you and all those girls. All that time that we were together you were liking their "to be honest" statuses. What were you hoping for? For one of them to say "You're fucking hot. Here's my number ###-###-####"? Seriously. Then I saw that you did the same thing you did to this other girl to me. I can't belive you fucking played with me. Those empty promises. Those candy coated words you've told me. Well fuck you, buddy. You've fucked up my moods since we've broken up and it's been hell. I hope I never met you. I hope I never said sorry for being rude when you first started talking to me. You're one sicko. You use other people's pity to gain their trust and hearts. Well now I know why people don't like you at school. You told me you never told anyone your secret. That it was hard for you to say it. That I'm the first one you're gonna tell it to. You fucking liar. It was on facebook. FACEBOOK. Posted a year ago. Really? Gosh, you're such a fucking liar. The first guy I've dated, and you left me with a bad impression of relationships. Thanks for everything Ryan.

Nicholas Sparks

This guy is the only guy that made me feel multiple emotions at one time in one sitting. His books move me where the movies didn't, save Walk To Remember with Mandy Moore.

Here are some books that really made me cry like a freaking baby:

A Walk to Remember
When I started reading this book I thought "Omg. Another story about high school kids. Blahhh." How wrong I was. This is absolutely the best book I've ever read that's about teenagers. This book made me bawl my eyes out and laugh like crazy at times. Totally recommend reading this book!

The Notebook
Weelll, I loved the movie BUT I haven't read the book yet! Awful, I know! I bet its as amazing as the rest of the books that he wrote that I've read though.

The Lucky One
This book I read while I was in France. Don't judge me okay! I love reading books, especially one of Spark's novels. I saw this book on the shelf of my aunt's library. Thought to myself, "why not?." So instead of exploring the wonderful streets and scenery of Paris, I was reading. I was soo obsessed with the book that I wouldn't even want to eat to stop. One day my cousins had enough of it and hid the book. I was soo mad at them for days. I eventually found it though and finished it. Needless to say, all that time I spent looking for it was worth it. Have I seen the movie? No, as soon as I saw that Z. Efron was in it, the whole book seemed like an insult.

Dear John
Amazing. 'Nuff said.

The Last Song
I don't know how, but Nicholas Sparks knows what his reader wants. Not only does he puts some romance, he also puts things that people go through with family; divorce; fights; and unsuspected illness. I guess I connected more with this book of his because it's kinda similar to my situation. It's like when I read this book the one thing that kept popping into my mind was "Crap. This is like me."

There needs to be more guys like Nicholas Sparks out there. If he was a little bit younger, well A LOT more younger, he'd be perfect! Just a thought :P

" a kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. "

The bestest friend ever

We always have that one friend that we share secrets with. Tell every single thing. Even the tmi's.

I met that one friend freshman year of high school. Death lord, we were like the same end of the magnet. We barely talked. We didn't know each other's name. We had a mutual friend. Whenever we would say something about the other, we referred to each other as "the other friend." We didn't mean it in a bad way. It was just it was hard to say the other's name. It was hilarious. We finally figured out how to say it during sophomore year. That was the year where our mutual friend would be out all the time so we had nothing else to do but to eat in silence during lunch or attempt to start a conversation that ends up being awkward as heck! Somehow along the way we became close. I didn't know anyone more awesome than me (lol yeah riiiight). We were practically partners in crime, stupidity, and foolishness. Oh boy, did we have fun. We would laugh like crazy and look crazy but not care what other people think. We made inside jokes that were just... Indescribable. We would talk about boy problems. And we still do.

I must say the funniest day I've had with her was during April fools. We were sitting at lunch ( I don't know how we would always have lunch together) and I told her something about this guy that she liked knowing that she likes him. She freaked out. Panicked like a deer when it's flashed by light. It was the most hilarious sight I've ever seen. She was a wreck. Wide eyes, mouth open, staring at me in disbelief. I think she forgot the day. She sees the hidden smile I was trying to cover and her suspicion rises. I couldn't hold it anymore. I burst out laughed. For the whole cafeteria to hear. Needless to say, it was a sight to behold. Her fuming about my April fools joke and me laughing like a hyena. She got me back next year though. Smh.

Friend code: 8

Me and my high school friends have this thing with calling guys that we've been obsessed with for YEARS. They are our 8's. Just 8 in singular form. Well these so called 8's are guys that, in each individual's eyes, in every way perfect. The dream guy.

These guys could be total jerks, but you would always end up forgiving them, and liking them more for it. I know, sounds stupid, but that's how it works. I didn't make these rules, the stupid organ that makes us nervous as heck when near that special someone did. The heart.

What's soo weird is that there's this special quality about these boys that makes you remember them no matter what. You will always remember them even after you get married. They're the what if's. Though to you they seem untouchable, you will always wonder what could of happened if only you did something that made you stand out. With these guys you'll always seem invisible. That admirer from a far. But they will never know. Well... There are times that they do find out. That's when you pray to god that they would find it cute that someone likes them and hope that you don't seem like a stalker.

That guy from Canada

I went to France last summer, and as you know, every girl's dream is to meet someone and kiss them while in a foreign country. It's some sort of fairy tale.
Well I was in the line for a boat ride in the Seine River. Of course I was scouting for a cute face in the crowd. Then, BOOM! There he is. With his blue eyes, tall, dark complexion. As we were being boarded to the boat and finding our seat to settle down, I realize that he picked a sit behind me (OMIGOSH RIGHT?!). Well the tour started and I decided to get some fresh air outside the boat at the back deck. I was looking at the beautiful scenery, and the structure and design of the whole city of Paris surrounding the river. At the corner of my eye, I see his dark blue polo shirt. I just had to do a double take. My heart literally slammed through my chest. It can't be. Did he just follow me back here? His friends are still inside the boat. A Little later they came out *sigh* he took pictures of them. I think they all planned this, because my family came out and asked me to take their pictures. So for a while me and him were our group's personal photographers. When they did finally leave, he stayed at the back,with me. Though we were 5 feet apart, and separated by a flag, I was acutely aware of his presence.

There was a bridge there. A bridge where you make a wish while being under it, and it was said that it'll come true. I didn't know this until my family told me so after passing the bridge. Anyways, when the boat was turning around to end the boat ride, it started getting darker. A voice behind me spoke up. A voice I've never heard before. It was him. I couldn't do anything but look at his beautiful blue eyes, and his outstretched hand that was waiting for a handshake. I looked at it as if such thing was foreign to me. Thankfully, my brain decided to work and held on to his hand for a shake. I'll tell you one thing: I was a wreck!  There's this guy that I've been subtly flirting with for the past hour and here he is talking to me. Me. Wow, unbelievable.

He told me where he was specifically from, but all I heard was Canada. I was soo lost with those eyes of his! He said the name of the place where he's from but all I heard was "SHUSHEJIRKSDNF, Canada" total fail, I know. HE told he his name was John. or Jon. or... well heck, I don't even know to spell it.

As it was near the dock, the Eiffel tower lit up. Oh boy, it was just wonderful and perfect.

After the ride, I was in blissful high. I was running up and down the streets yelling and laughing. Though he was to leave the next day it was still nice to meet a stranger in Paris.

About me

Well backwards girl that I am, I decided to put the about me after publishing two posts.Oh well, that's me and I'm proud of it! Why did I create a blog? Well, I've been thinking of some random thoughts these past few day and wondered to myself 'What the heck? No one will know who you are on blogs if you posts stuff. And you could also speak freely." Soo TAADAA! Here it is!

First time I've ever heard of creating a blog is through this guy. He was telling me about stuff that he posted and that he got lots of views on it. I asked him if I could see it and he gave me a link to his site. A little tid bit about this whole thing, I liked the guy so as you can guess, I practically stalked him through his blog. I know, I know, creepy right? Don't judge me, kay? I only did this cuz he didn't have Facebook...

Anyways, got a little bit off topic there for a while.

Now back to me! I'm from Houston, Texas. AND MISSING IT EVERY SECOND! I now live in nowhere Iowa, it's starting to get cold too. I'm predicting that I'm gonna die this year with winter coming.

EEIIIKKK! S.O.S!

As you wish..

If you don't know what this means and where it came from, get out of my blog right now! Just kidding :P The phrase "As you wish" is something this guy from Princess Bride says to the girl, it's his own unique way of telling her "I love you."I said this to a guy once. Actually more than once. Even told him the movie it came from. OH DEAR. How clueless he was. His actual words were "I think I've heard of that movie but I don't remember." Well ummm, there's this thing called Google where lots of info and data could be easily brought up with a touch of a button and by using specific keywords! *gasp*

LTC

Just wanted to say that Letters to Crushes is the awesomest site I've ever been to! You could randomly post stuff to that special someone that you're too scared to confront, or just simply say something about yourself. Needless to say, this site will help you. It also has the most interesting and supportive people you will ever meet. So what are you waiting for?

The letters alone on this site are the sweetest, truthful letters you'll ever read in your entire life,though at times it's a little bit heart-breaking. You'll realize when you read the letters posted there that the situations that you've been through, going through are happening to other people too: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Happy now?